Divisiveness and Disconnect

So many narratives are being pumped through communities; stories that target an enemy, an other, that is deemed as dangerous,  despicable, or just wrong and thus not worthy of dignity.  Wether received through family, friends, community leaders, or from media  and social platforms,  most of us ingest these narratives and thus have some cluster of peoples that we’ve tucked away in our brains as not worthy of communication, understanding, privileges, or relational effort. It pains me to watch and experience when this happens amongst people who have loved and supported one another at some point in time. I don’t understand why people choose to stand stronger behind ideas and beliefs than to genuinely try and understand folks that they know and even love. Why does having varying beliefs or perspectives mean lack of willingness to listen and understand one another? If we can’t figure this out with people who have supported our wellbeing, then what hope is there? I deeply mourn what this is doing in our communities, in our society, to our bodies, in my body.

The Landscape of COVID

Hearing reports of the Delta variant sweeping across this globe and taking the lives and wellbeing of millions of people, shifting employment and risk patterns yet again, feeling as it gets closer and closer to me and those I love, I feel my own and a collective anxiety rising. This, on top of the immense loss and chaos caused by the first waves of this pandemic, changes that have effected people’s lives profoundly, yet , for many there has not been the space to recognize and be with the true extent of the emotional toll and impact.

My heart aches for the people I know and don’t know who are at risk for having a serious case of this virus. For those suffering long-haul COVID or fearing that it could be in their future. For those with weak immune systems, vulnerable lungs, and other conditions that make a mild case less likely. My heart aches for the parents of children or loved ones of people with any of these conditions and the stress of trying to keep your people safe. My heart aches for all the painful decision moments when people have to choose to serve someone else or tend to someone else’s needs or rules at the expense of what they feel would be wisest for their own well-being. My heart aches that I and we have to be in relationship with this destructive virus.

Of note to me as I navigate this phase of COVID is that while we know more about COVID than we did when the pandemic was starting, due to the nature of it being a mutating, evolving entity, there will ALWAYS be things that we don’t know. As long as it is here with us, there will be unknowns.  Are we getting more experienced at being with the unknown? And each phase is a cycle, it has a duration and intensity of its own. Even though I won’t know the length or intensity of each cycle, can I have faith that it will cycle in and out? It is clear to me that the duration and intensity is directly proportional to how people work together to navigate.

Grief and Loss

As a sensitive and empathic person, I feel things deeply and I experience feelings that other people are having. My perception is that sooo many people are experiencing so much loss and grief right now. Some people know the loss they are grieving – a loved one, a job, a lifestyle, a sense of safety, a relationship, etc. And others don’t know consciously what they are mourning, but are still feeling the loss. From my viewpoint, too many of us have not had the time, space, and community with whom to grieve at the level our hearts require. The world keeps moving on, people have to juggle so many things that there’s no time or space to feel, and the pressure is to get back to “normal” without pausing to reflect and grieve the losses so many are experiencing.

These are a few snippets of the additional heartache I’m noticing in this moment of life. I’m grateful that my feeling body works, that I’m alive to the heartache that is in me, responding to the world around me. And I’m trying to stay diligent in growing my abilities, practicing all the skills I have at tending to the heartache, letting it be and move through me, and nurturing the nourishing parts of life that add balance to the tender aches.