I will find the words… for now my whole body is humming – a cross between numb and overflowing with feeling…I’m listening. Learning. Feeling. Reckoning. Loving. May we stay on the side of love. We are in such holy company.

April 26, 2018

I wrote those words in a different context, 2 years ago at the opening ceremonies of the Equal Justice Initiative’s memorial and museum in Montgomery, Alabama. The words resonate right now… almost 7 weeks into my pandemic experience.

I am a dance. A dedicated commitment to being strong and rooted like a tree, managing the rush of energies pouring through my system. Celebrating whenever remembered. And yet, sometimes my sway catches wind and I’m the high pitch of anxiety and fear. I fly into the triggers of my own traumas, my own grief, and the collective suffering, pain, grief and uncertainty. I am a prayer. Love emanating and invoking, deeply connecting to and supported by my seen and unseen collaborators. I am in such holy company.

Almost 7 weeks of staying at home (alone, not lonely), conscious of every movement, tending to my personal and attempting to be responsible to the collective. I am noticing so much, learning, healing, concerned about, and optimistically dreaming. There is much to reckon with. Much to imagine. Much to tend to. Journaling has been essential, yet it’s been hard to focus and pen down words for public.

A few consistent themes (that hopefully I’ll write more about):

• We are all having our own pandemic experience.
• I am able to hear myself, connect with my core in needed ways during this reprieve from external input/assault.
• Inequities are being amplified.
• This is our moment to imagine and experiment with new ways forward.
• My traumas. When they are triggered, I have space to lean in and learn, heal, grow.

And my body is alert to danger — the danger of the virus, government and other abuses of power, civil unrest in times of crisis, and the psychological manipulation of this time.

My prayers continue… may we move forward guided by love…

Here’s a video of Chrystal Rucker singing at the EJI Opening Ceremonies. May we hold on, pray on… just a little while longer. I know justice is coming real soon.

UPDATE: My friend Marsha Davis shared this video, another version of the song, by my mentor and a continual source of inspiration: Bobby McFerrin withe the The Kuumba Singers